Ending of "Lost" revealed

After seeing about eight episodes, I know how the series "Lost" will end. Try to follow this.

1. Locke will discover that the Island is actually a brain tumor that is literally driving him crazy.
2. Sayid will find out that Shannon is an extraterrestrial trying to propagate her species.
3. Hurley will learn that the number is everybody else's unlucky number, and his rising success will be meteoric.
4. Jin will discover that he is not really Korean after all.
5. Sun will discover an odd attraction for Hurley.
6. Claire will discover that her baby is the antichrist, a la "The Omen."
7. Charlie will start using again, marry Courtney Love, and regret it so deeply that he blows his own head off with a sawed-off shotgun.
8. Michael will learn of his own latent homosexuality, and the actor playing him will refuse to continue out of newly found religious beliefs - thus forcing the writers to kill him. After he's dead, they'll get someone else to play Michael.
9. Kate will not discover her homosexuality, because as long as "Lost" isn't on HBO or Showtime, the good parts would be edited out anyway - instead she will be Claire's baby's evil handmaiden... with a sexy outfit.
10. Jack will discover that even though he's supposed to be the main character, his storyline is the least interesting, and in a rage he'll kill Locke.
11. The actual ending is not related to any of these storylines, but will be a cancellation due to evil new ownership of ABC in fall 2006.

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